The slow fade of love. . . . . . . . it's soft edge might cut you.

2005-06-08T01:50:00.000-07:00

goodbye blogger.

18 more days

2005-06-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

i cant wait for conference: 1) i get to get out of this place 2) i get to go to arizona, i think ive been there before...but it was just to see the grand canyon 3) i get to see my sisters 4) get to meet some sisters from all over the country 5) party bus???...never been on one of those 6) a water park...i havent been to one of those in years 7) after conference, stay in SD for awhile...not sure how long yet im gonna stay 8) finally have some fun this summer

okay janina...here it is

2005-06-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

i dont have that many songs....

Total volume of music files on my computer:
188 songs. 948.4 MB...haha! im not even a gig.
i think i am the winner of who has the LEAST music on their computer!

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. Mars Volta - Cicatriz Esp: I just love how weird they sound. And the guy has such a pretty lady voice. haha
2. Does He Love You? - Rilo Kiley: Anson you got me hooked on it. I bought their cd.
3. The New Year - Death Cab for Cutie: my fave song from them, i like the video for it too, i like the lyrics, and I LOVE the drum part for it.
4. Such Great Heights - Postal Service: i like singing along to this song. its my fave song by them
5. See You in the Shallows - Thrice: Out of all these bands, Ive liked Thrice the longest and this is my favorite song from them. alot of memories of driving to places with this song playing...

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
whoever even reads this

here is yours

2005-05-31T00:16:00.000-07:00

SHOUT OUT TO JANINA...A NINJA...BECAUSE YOU ROCK.

YOU ROCK!

oh girlfriend, what would i do without you?

2005-05-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

haha.

i feel better when we go through the same things, cuz it sucks to feel this stuff by yourself.

"Hey, what troubles you? She said: I'm surprised you noticed"

2005-05-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

im really bitter. im bitter that i practically have no friends here. im seriously waiting for one of those weekends where somebody i know is coming to the bay and im waiting for the end of june or july or mid july or whenever the hell it is when some other people are coming and actually staying for the rest of summer.

seriously, i used to be fine alone. now i hate it. its aggravating. i miss san diego just cuz i know more people there. and if i wanted, i could call up people to hang out. here...well, yea i can call up like 2 or 3 people, and the odds usually are that theyre busy.

i used to rarely ever call people to hang out back then. i used to be very anti-social. and that ruined me b/c i have NO FRIENDS HERE! i never really did. GEERGKDJLIEFJLOWSDLAS im fucking mad at myself.

UGH. im really over this place. im over it. i want to leave! the only thing keeping me here is chris.

somebody fucking come to the bay.

i wish i could turn my brain off.

2005-05-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

milpitas

2005-05-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

oh, by the way im home. me and my cousin, kathy, drove up last night. we got here like at almost 3 in the morning.

MADE: i wanna be a freestyle runner

2005-05-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

oh how i have missed MTV. yea 75% of their shows are stupid, but theyre pretty damn entertaining. i just thought of what id want to do on MADE since they already had a skater girl.

i want to be a freestyle runner. well i think thats what its called. thats what a video game about it is called. well its those people that run and jump up walls, from wall to wall, and climb lots of shit, and jump from building to building.

yea i want to do that. thatd be fucking tight.

i should go apply or something. haha.

goodbye

2005-05-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

i am EXTREMELY SAD.

im sitting in the middle of my COMPLETELY empty room (except for me and my laptop). and this is SO SAD. i will NEVER be here again.

im going to miss anson and samm. even though anson bugs the hell out of me i will miss him. and i will probably never ever see samm again. she went to disneyland today and i didnt get to say goodbye. =( and im just getting to know her, and shes gonna stay in minnesota and not come back to state in the fall. i so regret not knowing her better. its not going to be the same. even though anson will always be there, i know our friendship wont be the same. we'll both be busy and i fear that we'll eventually grow apart.

there've been a lot of memories here in this room. and apartment. im fucking sad.

with this other current thing going on, im even sadder. ive had a dull ache in my chest for the past couple days and this is just making it even bigger and heavier.

i dont want to leave.

goodbye heatherwood (my apartment complex). you were good to me, except for the mold. and goodbye samm, i wish you the best in minnesota. bye anson, ill prob see you this weekend.

and im out this bitch.

FYLAC YABOMF

2005-05-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

FTW mode is on.

i cant take this anymore

2005-05-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

i wonder, does a big empty room make you go crazy? maybe thats whats happening to me.

moving

2005-05-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

not having furniture and all your stuff in the right place sucks. i packed everything and i have about 5% of my stuff with me still. i remember needing something but i already packed it and its in storage.

plus i just got like 20 more bug bites. now that im practically sleeping on the floor, i guess they can get me easier now.

i still have 2 finals. LAME. everyones been done since thursday, but i still have clasess at Grossmont.

this has been a tiring week.

brrr

2005-05-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

air conditioning is the greatest invention EVER.

im lying right next to it, and its like im in a freezer. =D

WHOO HOO!!! WOW...3rd entry of the day

2005-05-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

I GOT AN A IN STATS AND I JUST FINISHED MY FORMAL ANALYTICAL REPORT AND AFTER CLASS I GET TO HANG OUT WITH MY SISTAHSSSSS!

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!!! =D

Backstreets Back Alright!

2005-05-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

BSB is on Ellen. They just performed. I dont know why, but Im kind of glad theyre back. maybe b/c there havent been any white boy bands in awhile. whats sad though is that each one was singing like he was the only guy there, like he was a solo singer. that doesnt look good. cuz they dont look like a group.

anyway, im almost done with my marketing plan for Bus Comm. YAY. its such bullshit. but oh well.

i think i got sidetracked about 30 times while doing it, 20 of which were b/c of myspace.

rochelle, ms scurred.com, its all your fault. i just had to know what all the hype was about and now i got sucked in.

here ruby, heres my 'frealz' entry

2005-05-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

about half of these are correct. the second to last isnt true for me either.

and for this one: "You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please." yea i would, because im the emotional, moody, and difficult to please one. i cant please someone when i need to be pleased.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

and that is my 'frealz' entry, ruby

FUZE Low Carb Strawberry Melon

2005-05-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

low carb, sugar free, caffein free, only 10 calories per serving! I dont give a shit! It's a fucking drink! and it tastes nasty when you guys mess with it trying to make it healthy. theres always some sort of after taste. that just ruins what im trying to do by drinking: "cleanse" my mouth of whatever taste it already has and to quench my thirst. this healthy one just makes me want another drink.

if its food, FINE. make it fat free or whatever. i cant tell the difference with food. but dont mess with the drinks.

The bottle looks really cool. and man...strawberry melon...sounds yummy, right? but no, these guys at FUZE decided they need to make it healthy. they probably make the regular kind too but with these healthy versions that are out, thats what the convenience stores at school choose. healthy flavors.

i want the regular ones and ill take the extra 20 calories.

this is an outrage!

2005-05-14T00:27:00.000-07:00

my boyfriend chad michael murray is married?! whatever, hollywood relationships dont last. he's on jay leno right now. he looks good in his blazer jacket thing. i think house of wax looks stupid but since he's in it, im considering watching it.

i know i wrote about this already...but i cant help but think about this a lot in my head.

2005-05-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

this school year is ending very very soon. and today while driving to class, i realized i dont want it to end. even though i do...but anyway...this school year is going to end and im gonna end up back home. and i dont really want to be home. of course the only reason i like to go home is to see my family and chris, but then thats it. theres nothing for me there. theres nothing to do there. and again everything is going fast. at formals...when my mom (pledge mom) kept saying "where are we gonna go?!! what are we gonna do?!!?!" (cuz she graduated) and its like damn, WHAT DO YOU DO? we've gone to school all our lives and we have a purpose and school is it. but then what? and then i thought about fininshing in 4 years...do i really want that? yea i hate school...but why rush it? i think i will really really regret it after. anyway, shit is just moving way too fast for me. sometimes i wake up and i dont know where i am. and then i realize im not at home. im in college...away from home. and then i think about what about when i wake up and im not in college anymore. and thats scary. growing up is scary. im just scared of everything. ive always wanted to hurry up and grow up. now i dont know if i want to be 9, 19, or 29.

i never knew id like it

2005-05-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

dude i just watched an episode of onetreehill. and man it was fucking good. maybe it was the season finale...hmm...anyway i like this show. and that guy my ate likes...chad michael murray...i never thought like "oh damn hes hot" but man when you watch the actor...the guy just gets hotter and hotter when you see emotion out of him...rather than just staring at a glossy still picture of smiling like a movie star.

oh haha just saw a commercial. it wasnt the season finale. cool. i can watch next week! haha hopefully i remember because i never catch on to show anymore. when i like one. i forget to watch it next week. cuz i never know what time it starts at. the last show i caught on to was everybody loves raymond because its reruns and its on everyday. so thats much easier to remember.

foo foo

2005-05-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

i bullshit my homework just to get it done and have something to turn in.

i have an exam tomorrow and i feel like not even studying. yea, i read everything. but whats the point if i dont go over it?

im so lazy. i think these last 2/3 weeks are gonna all drop my grades a lot.

we have so much mold in our apartment. we're gonna have to clean it soon. ill probably throw up 3 times and gag 40 times while cleaning my room, bathroom, and parts of the apartment. i hate cleaning. i cleaned the toilet once and gagged twice.

im excited to go back home. i want to work out and lose weight. i am so fat.

i wish when we poo-ed we'd lose 5 pounds. cuz i have to go poo now.

myspace is addictive. i went to go comment real quick on someones page and i ended up looking at like 10 different pages.

$$$

2005-04-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

for some reason, I want a subscription to money magazine...

I was flipping through business magazines and econ magazines to look for a topic for my Formal Analytical Report and now I want money magazine. It's like $5 at the store though. Id feel so weird if I got a subscription.

good for nothing

2005-04-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

i never know how to type out what i want to say. half the time i delete what i wrote just b/c its not what i mean.

ive been very extreme with my emotions lately. sometimes im so happy for everything. and when people are around me i just think in my head "man, i love these people so much." or "man, this is how it should be." and then sometimes...mostly when im alone...im sad and just feel bad for some reason. and i dislike where i am and what im doing. i dont know if it was just my pms-ing but i already had my rag and im done with it, so these feelings should go away?

all i know is life is going by pretty fast. and im getting scared-er (that a word? whatever, i dont want to say 'more scared')...well, im getting scared-er and scared-er.

theres just so many responsibilties for everything and im not confident in myself. i wish i was, cuz i end up backing down even though i want it badly. and i get jealous of those who do step up and of their confidence.

like this internship i might have at my dad's work. like it shouldnt be so bad cuz my dad will be there, but im just so scared of it cuz its all professional and like the real world. and i kind of want to back out. but its a good opportunity. i dont know. and man when i have speeches, my heart beats so fast and i think everything that comes out of my mouth is stupid. even though afterwards people tell me i did good. and with my sorority, i want to step up, but i dont think im good enough.

honestly, i take the steps leading up to stepping up. i even talk the shit, you know?...like im good for it and i know my stuff and i think i can do well or whatever. but when it comes down to it, i back out last minute.

im such a pussy. ive had no confidence all my life. and it sucks cuz its taking things away from me which i want.

almost halfway

2005-04-14T22:10:00.001-07:00

this week is almost over. im so glad. after tonight's 40 or so stats problems and tomorrows stats quiz...i am free. until sunday night...then its hell cuz i have 1 midterm and 2 exams that week and its a special week for my sorority which means I have to be somewhere every night for hours. but before all that, i get to see chris which makes me so happy i can shit my pants